Harry Potter 3: reactions from the cast
by Jeffrey the Giraffe
Summary: I saw the third Harry Potter movie and made this. the reactions aren't real, i made them up for the entertainment of myself and whoever else reads it. the plot is only mine...oh...and chompers.
1. Fatherly Knowledge

Harry Potter Movie reactions from the cast

At the Movie theater after the show

"That's it. What the bloody hell was that all about, just me waving my wand a few times and talking about tap dancing spiders? They could have done better than that. Who directed this thing anyway? I'm going to go have a word with him when I find the right words…" Ron said with distaste and confusion.

"He'll keep rambling on and on about "bloody hell" this and "bloody hell" that. In the mean time we've all got to think about me. That blasted tree killed my Nimbus 2000. Then out of the blue I suddenly get a Fire Bolt with no name or return address. Hell, that happened in the 11th chapter, not at the end of the movie." Harry said with equal distaste, but less confusion.

"Who cares about your stupid broomstick I have a major fashion crisis at the moment!" said Hermione with a look of utter disgust for any broom.

Then Harry started with obvious sarcasm. "Oh stop the press! Hermione is having a crisis! What could be sooo important that my broomstick is now considered "stupid?"

"Shut up, Harry. I'm talking about the all-important question. Does my hair really look like that from behind?" she replied.

"Oh, gosh, that was so important. Yes, your hair looks like that from behind. If you mean bushy and wavy then your right, now get over it and help me with the "stupid broomstick" case." He said with a have hearted laugh.

"Oh, whatever," she said walked over to him.

Then Draco began his rant about the movie. "Those idiots made me look like some kind of a cowering wussy!"

Looking confused, Crabbe began to talk, "But you are a wussy, boss."

"I'm not, but I can tell you who is, that filthy mudblood over there. She thinks she's so powerful with her brain that little wand." Replied Draco, looking embarrassed however.

Hermione raised her wand and began to speak with a tone so scary all Draco could do is whimper. "I'm going to curse you to Kingdom Come, Draco!"

Then Hermione just went over, lowered her wand, and slapped him as hard as she could.

Looking surprised injured, and mad Draco shouted, "Ow! That hurt, you little mudblood!"

Then Hermione wound up her arm again and smacked him across the face.

She slapped him so hard that he stumble back and tripped over the seat.

"Take that you little Wimp." Said Hermione and walked back near Harry looking satisfied.

"There's gum in my hair. Don't they ever clean these blasted floors?" said Draco with disgust.

"See boss, Crabbe is right, you are a wussy." Goyle said, confused as much as Crabbe.

"Shut up, Goyle!" Draco replied.

"Four thousand points from Gryffindor, Miss Granger. And another forty from you, Mr. Weasley." Snape began.

Hermione looked at Ron and said, "I'm tired of hearing those words from our little friend Snape. Shall I teach him a lesson, Ron?"

Looking dangerous Ron replied, "Yes, I do say. Torch his hair. It should be greasy enough to catch fire… Wait how in the bloody world is Snape here when he never came out of that bloody tree."

"Yeah! How is Snape here if he's still in the tree?" Harry said, obviously confused.

"It's a long story. It all starts when…"Snape started trailing off.

"Oh, what the heck. I've got an idea, Hermione! Blow him up like Harry did to his aunt. No, that wouldn't work." Ron said as he started spouting off ideas.

"… and then I braved…" said Snape still going off on his story.

"I've got it! We can hang him outside, in the cold, in his underwear, upside down, while covered in stink sap!" Ron said, with a look of genius on his face.

"… and that's how I braved the werewolf and saved you all! Wait. That's not even a sanitary way to torture me! Help me, Draco, you big wussy! HELP!" finished Snape, shortly after realizing what they were talking about.

"I'm not helping you now. You called me a wussy," said Draco.

"Let's get him!" Harry shouted.

"I'll get the stink sap and some rope…maybe a stick too…" said Ron walking off.

"Hey, Snape, are you ready for this?" Hermione ask.

Snape stared at her and said, "Shut up, you know-it-all! Just shut up!"

Hermione stared at him then looked over her sholder and yelled, "Hey, Ron, grab the stick to. I want to give Snape a few, should I say, injuries."

"Got it Hermione! Now let's go," he replied.

:Ron, Hermione, Harry, and Snape leave the theater.:

"Good, they're gone. No more people to call me a wussy," said Draco happily.

Goyle looked confused and said yet again, "But you are a wussy!"

"I'm so confused!" Crabbe yells.

"Your always confused, Crabbe!" Draco says with obvious dislike for such an idiot friend.

"Uhhhhhhh…" Crabbe mumbles.

"I want to know who is responsible for this film. They didn't even explain who Padfoot, Prongs, Wormtail, and Moony were. I'm Moony, but no cares. No one gives a hoot about movies today," said Lupin, starting his mumbling complaints.

"It'll be ok, Moony. You just got to believe that… Hey! Where's Peter? I'm going to kill that bloody rat thingy. What is he anyway?" says Sirius, thinking hard.

"I'm not even in this film! Who cares about poor old James Potter? I haven't had a job since the first Harry Potter Movie!" says James, surprising Lupin.

"You're alive, James! Sirius, come look! James is alive!" yells Lupin.

"Yeah, so. He's never died…really. He's been here since we needed him for the first movie." says Sirius, looking very unsurprised.

"And you didn't bother calling me about this!" says Lupin, looking agitated.

Sirius stares at him then says, "You know I don't know how to work those strange muggle contraptions."

"So! You could have come and found me!" replied Lupin.

"I've been in Azkaban for 12 years!" says Sirius, defending his, well, sorta good name, whatever the ministry wants to call it.

Ron pops back into the theater and says, "Were back! And Snape is hanging in a tree some where."

:Hogwarts:

"HELP! I'm in the… OW!… Whomping…OW!…Willow! Get me down!" sceams Snape.

:Movie Theater:

Harry spots his dad and yells, "DAD! You're alive!"

"So?" says an annoyed James, who just explained this.

"You're supposed to be dead." returns Harry.

James looks at Harry and says, "You sound disappointed."

"No, I'm just confused." says Harry.

So James decides to do a father-son activity on the spur of the moment. "So…I mean…uhh…Let's go poke Snape!"

"OH YEAH!" yells a happy Harry.

:James and Harry Leave:


	2. Visions of Hell

"Will somebody get me out of these ruddy chairs! It's one thing to have one seat not be big enough for me, but it's another thing to get stuck in two seats at once!" says Hagrid with disgust.

"Here, Hagrid, I'll help you out…Ron! Come help me get Hagrid unstuck!" says Hermione taking charge.

Ron pauses for a minute and says, "Hermione! I'm busy beating up Draco."

"Ok! Hagrid, you're gonabe here a while." says Hermione in an apologetic voice.

"Blast!" says Hagrid.

"Sorry, Hagrid, but I…" starts Hermione.

"No, I'm not mad, I just can't find Chompers!" says Hagrid.

Hermione looks confused and asks, "Who's Chompers?"

Hagrid looks guilty and says,"Well, you see…he's my…uhh…dragon!"

"Oh no!" shrieks Hermione.

Hagrid spots Chompers and says,"Oh, there he goes. He must be heading back to the castle."

:Hogwarts:

"Stop poking me!" orders Snape.

Harry hands his dad the stick and says, "Poke him again dad!"

"Oh this is…OW!…Just…OW!…Dandy!" says Snape.

James pokes him at different angles and yells,"Take this, and that!"

"Stop poking me you…OW!…Fools! Oh no…there's a killer dragon coming up from behind!" says Snape looking worried.

"ROOOOAAAAAARRRRRRRR!" roars Chompers.

"That's my finger, you bloody dragon! OW! Dang it!" screams Sanpe in pain.

"Keep poking him, Dad. And egg the dragon on to!" yells Harry over the other noise.

:Movie Theater:

Ron and Hermione grab a hold of Hagrid and say at the same time, "1, 2, 3, pull! Uhhhh! We got to get Hagrid out of these chairs!"

Hagrid looks disapointed, but thankful and says, "That's ok. I'll just sit here until somebody calls 911."

"Fine with us," they say.

"I'm not serious!" he yells at them.

"What was that?" Ron asks, ignoring the voice.

"I didn't hear anything," says Hermione, doing the same.

Ron looks around and says, "Ok, let's go find Neville."

"Ok." answers Hermione

Looking worried Hagrid yells, "Don't leave me!"

Ron and Hermione begin to leave when they're stopped by…

...Professor Trelawnery standing in front of them begins,"You have a doomed future. You will see many more crappy movies than the one at hand. Ohhhh…"

"Hermione, don't…" Ron begins to say.

Hermione winds up her hand again while saying,"Why you little…"

"How dare you insult…SLAP!…That hurt you little…SLAP!" says Trelawnery

Looking concerned Ron says, "Hermione stop slapping Professor Trelawnery!"

"That felt really good." says Hermione finally done.

"You beat the crap out of a teacher!" says Ron, with a look he would give Fred or George.

"Ok, I'm done…for now." she says to him, a look of pure happiness on her face.

:Ron and Hermione leave the theater.:

After a moment of quiet the silence is broken by Hagrid, "Hello? Anyone!"

"Ohhhh…hic…owww…" says professor, making unknown noises.

"Oh, hello Professor Trelawnery. How's it going?" asks Hagrid.

"You have a very dark, damp…hic, ferret. That will lead you to…hic, Clowns!" she says.

"Is someone a little tipsy?" he asks.

"Oh shut your…hic, tissue." she returns, not knowing what she's really saying.

"Ok." says a confused Hagrid.

Then Dumbledore pops up and says, "Hello Hagrid,Professor Trelawnery. Good day to the both of you."

"Professor Trelawnery is in the best of shape right now." begins Hagrid.

"Oh good, you're here…hic, Cleatus," she says, confused yet again.

"It was about time someone put her in her place. May I inquire who it was?", says Dumbledore, obviously happy.

"I don't really know what inquire means, but if you want to know who it was, it was Hermione," says Hagrid, growing more and more confused.

"Oh yes, I always wondered if she would completely lose it someday and do that." says a happy Dumbledore.

"Cleatus, come…closer. I need to tell you this." begins Trelawnery

"Yes, Professor Trelawnery?" asks Dumbledore.

Professor Trelawnery beginsto speak about some plan,"In my tower there is a glass ball. In that ball is 60 bucks and a yo-yo. Take those two items to that old guy on that one street, and give him the items. Then he will give you a card. That card is a pass to the Odd Little Bunnies Convention. Go there and pick up a bunny hat, and…and…lay it on my…desk."

"I will." says Dumbledore.

:Meanwhile at Hogwarts:

"I'm getting bored beating Snape." says Harry.

James puts down the stick and says,"Ok, I'll go back to the house and catch up with you later."

"Dad," Harry begins.

"Yes Harry?" James asks.

"Our house is gone. Voldemort destroyed our house," Harry says.

"Oh…yeah…that. Well I'll find a new house." James says, trying to a get hold on the situation.

"Ok dad." says Harry.

"There you are Harry!" says Ron, walking up next to Harry.

"Hey, Ron." Harry answers.

"Hi, Harry!" says Hermione, walking up next to Ron.

"Hi, Hermione." says Harry.

"You should have seen Harry. Hermione beat the crap out of Professor Tawnerly!" says Ron with amazment.

Looking amazed but not surprised, Harryreplies,"Really! Wow, that's cool. Way to go Hermione!"

"Oh, it was nothing," she says.

"Let's go back to the Theater." offers Ron.

"Ok," Harry and Hermione answer.

:Harry, Hermione, and Ron return to the theater.:

"Oh great. You idiots are back. Stay back, Hermione," Draco says looking scared.

Hermione holds up her fists and says,"I thought I taught you a lesson the first time."

All Draco can do is suck his thumb and whimper.

"Now that's better," she says, looking satisfied.

Then Professor McGonagall pops up and says,"Here you three are. I've looking everywhere for you Potter. We finished inspecting your broom."

"What do you mean, Professor?" Harry asks.

"Your Firebolt. We looked over it for curses, spells, jinxes, lice, termites, birds…" she begins to answer.

"That only happened in the book Professor. They forgot about the entire thing in the movie," Harry says to her.

"Oh…" she mumbles. "Right..."

"Well, yeah. I'll still take the Firebolt, though I'm not quite sure who's it is…I'll probably give it to Ron…maybe…" he starts.

"Ok, Here you go Potter," she says.

"Thanks! Hey Ron, I got you a Firebolt!" Harry yells.

Looking surprised and excited Ron begins to yell, "WHAT! HOW! WHO!"

"It's okay Ron…" Harry tries to begin.

"WHY! WHERE! WHEN…I'M! RUNNING! OUT! OF! THINGS! TO! SAY!" continues Ron.

"It's fine Ron. I don't need this one," finishes Harry.

"Okay," replies Ron simply.

:New chapter coming sometime, i hope:


End file.
